How to scare a group of rock hard 15 stone un-shaven printers, well known for their tastiness in the punch up department? Easy; announce that a 6ft 4” ex model turned masseur will be making a weekly visit to October, to give them a damn good rub down!
“You want us to do what, take our shirts off, lie down on a mobile massage bench, and then some bloke’s going rub oil on us and touch us….. with his hands?” And then some language of the expletive variety was exchanged, as voices were raised and arms waved about in the air. It’s a sad thing to see so many men clearly uncertain of their own sexuality.
But we were determined to see this one through, and the annoyingly handsome Richard, pictured above, arrived with all his paraphernalia to give the lads a bit of a seeing to. Obviously as a father of three I had to go first, to prove that a heterosexual can have a massage and still prefer girls when it’s all over. It was rather amazing, and no, you don’t experience any sensations that you need to talk to your therapist about. And soon, one by one the condemned men requested a final cigarette and a blind fold, and in they went.
Now obviously no one spoke for the rest of the afternoon, clearly in denial, shuffling about and looking at their trainers; but over the last week it has gradually emerged that it’s the best thing that’s happened to them at work since a group of lap dancers came in for a thong fitting. Rather than avoiding the issue there are daily requests of ‘Hey Boss, you know that massage bloke, when’s he coming back?’
So if you want to get your shoulders loose as a goose and swing your hips like Elvis, check get in touch with the totally qualified Richard on 07769 917 244, or email: firstname.lastname@example.org for some upper body, back neck and shoulder, or obviously in my case the full Swedish.
t shirt printing, screen printing, embroidery